Today, there is hardly a man who did not hear or know what psychology is. And there are no doubts about the benefits this science gives us. Psychotherapy, individual or in groups and books on practical psychology for the widest audience are very popular in the modern society. It gives the impression that the universal solution for the mental problems is finally there! You only have to know the basic rules according to which the science works and your success and happiness are granted.
I dare to believe that it is not quite right. Or, say, I just do not believe in the universal solutions. Still, the significance of psychology is hard to overestimate.
Each of us is a little of a psychologist in our everyday life. Deliberately or not, most of us skillfully manipulate their closest environment practicing on the others’ weaknesses, such as the sense of guilt or provoking pity or compassion, the desire to dominate or to feel safe. It is really a shame if it is all there is to it.
Actually, this science provides some great opportunities for those who looks for instruments for self-actualization. To understand the essence of such an inspiration or emotional state means to be aware of what is really happening to you, to step up on the ladder of self-improvement. Mastering psychology may also be helpful for those who seek to build more effective relationships with those around you which means to feel more comfortable in your environment.
Having that said, it does not mean that I feel like everybody has to start study psychology the first thing in the morning. It is quite possible that the sphere of your interest is out of its limits. However, there are some basic skills which, in my opinion, every educated person has to know.
So, let me introduce you some underlying premises of everyday psychology.
The first premise: we are all different. Our perceiving channels are not uniformly developed. The speed of perception, processing the information, the accents we make are all different. We have to remember that an event we perceive may look quite different from the point of view of another person. We must not think that everybody thinks the same manner as we do. The things that are obvious to us may be not so obvious to our opponent.
Hence the second premise: speak for yourself. If you want your interaction with other to be productive, do not wait for them to understand what you mean by themselves or guess your intention.
In calm and benevolent manner tell your partners what is your opinion on the matter and what you are expecting from it. It is not the fact that you will get what you desire but you will certainly not have to deal with ambiguity and unpleasantness later.
The third premise is directly related to the second: look for the positive side of the coin. It is not at all granted that all that is happening to you is good and welcome. But should you consider not to concentrate only on the problems and failures you experience you will see that there is more to your life. Actually, it is up to us how to define what is happening to us. Every undesired situation can and must be perceived as a lesson or an opportunity. Such an attitude will help you if not fix the problem at least see and take the benefits it provides.
The fourth, important premise: it is our right not to meet anybody’s expectation. Our parents, educators, colleagues see us in a certain way. And of course, they know the right way for us to behave. However, we must keep in mind that we live only once and life is too precious to live it according to the other people’s scenarios. Only you can know what you need and what you can do about it.
Thus we came to the last, most important premise: our life is our responsibility. Success and happiness are something we have to struggle for. And this struggle is foremost with ourselves. It is useless to blame others or circumstances for your problems. Your life is only what you make of it.
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